Maybe you and your ex are walking out of your marriage with no hard feelings or bruised egos. Maybe you still get along well and can put old grievances aside.  Maybe talking to your ex doesn’t twist your stomach into knots and send your blood pressure through the roof.

 Maybe, but probably not.

 Ending relationships isn’t easy.  Most people find it challenging to communicate with their soon-to-be ex.  So how do you do it?

1. If you have kids together, as tempting as it may be, don’t ignore your ex. The idea is to get through this difficult time, not to make it worse.  Ignoring the issue won’t make it go away, and ignoring your ex won’t make them go away either.  Of course, this might not apply if there are any safety or abuse concerns.

2. Keep all communication clear, on point, and courteous.  If it helps, imagine your ex as a colleague or business partner.  This should help you focus on what’s important.  Avoid making accusations, insults, and those little comments you know will drive your ex up the wall.

3. While discussing options with your ex can be beneficial, don’t agree to anything without consulting your lawyer.  It is difficult to resolve issues when you say one thing and then learn that what you’ve agreed to is not in accordance with the law, isn’t fair, or is simply impractical.  You want to make sure that you know all of your rights and obligations before making any agreements.  Plus agreements made without legal advice might not be enforceable anyway.

4. This might go without saying, but never argue or talk about legal issues in front of your children.  Hearing their parents fight is just not good for children.  You don’t ever want them to feel as though they have to pick sides or defend either of their parents.  This isn’t their problem: don’t make it one.

5. If you feel unsafe around your ex, then talking in person, or even over the phone, might not be safe either.  Instead, you can communicate with your ex in writing, via e-mail or text message.  There are even apps specifically designed to help separated parents communicate, like Our Family Wizard. 

6. Remember, anything in writing might be shown to a lawyer, mediator, or judge. 

How do you communicate with your ex during divorce proceedings?

Carefully.

If you have any concerns about communicating with your ex, please reach out to us for a free consultation.