People who are separating often worry about the conflict that might be lurking around the corner.  Divorce doesn’t have to be a fight.  Here are some tips to help reduce the conflict.

1.    Pick a good time to talk to your ex.  Don’t speak about important topics when you are tired or angry.  If you have kids, make sure that they can’t overhear you.

2.    Stay away from social media.  Don’t post anything bad about your ex online, even if you are just talking to a friend.  You don’t want any unkind words read out of context or shared with anyone accidentally.

3.    Don’t make threats.  Saying “I’ll see you in court” might be a good dramatic scene for the movies, but it makes it difficult to resolve issues amicably in real life.

4.    Try to keep calm.  If you find yourself getting upset, take a break.  Try again when you’re ready.

5.    Don’t agree to anything without speaking with a lawyer.  You don’t want to agree to something without knowing your rights and then have to take it back later.

What to do after you separate

After you separate, there are many important decisions that must be made.  Here are some of the key steps that you should take.

Think about whether you want to move or stay in your current home.  If you want to move, think about where you want to go. 

If you have kids, think about how you would like them to spend time with you and your ex.  Be practical: If you have to work until 6:00pm, don’t insist on picking them up after school at 3:00pm. 

Come up with a budget.  Think about how you and your ex will financially support your own households.  This may require the payment of support. 

Meet with a lawyer.  The right lawyer can give you the information that you need to make the right decisions for your family. 

Most importantly, take care of yourself.  Spend time with your friends, talk to your family, and consider seeing a counsellor to help you through this difficult time.

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